absolutely boxspring has been described as:

a. "Loud!" (The Elroys)
b. "Bustingly tuneful" (Mark Jenkins, Washington City Paper)
c. "You know, like the feeling of a Naugahyde couch under your bare thighs in the summertime" (bassist's girlfriend)
d. "Three contemptuous drones with all the verve of a shrink-wrapped flank steak" (former band member with a chip on his shoulder)

The music of absolutely boxspring reflects the influence of:

a. Repeated exposure to The Schmenges
b. Glue sniffing
c. Gang of Four, Mission of Burma, Shudder To Think, Led Zeppelin, the Beatles
d. Backward masking on late 70's monster rock albums
e. An indomitable will to play despite rejection by numerous record companies

In their 6-year history absolutely boxspring has performed at such venues as:

a. John John's secret island wedding reception
b. The public execution of notorious jay walker Arnold "Legs" Lizzetti in Aberdeen, Texas
c. The Black Cat, 9:30 Club, d.c. space, 15 Minutes, Roratonga Rodeo, Republic Gardens, Asylum, Bond St. Cafe, Max's on Broadway
d. Soul Train
e. The nomination party for presidential write-in candidate Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

What sets absolutely boxspring apart from other bands is:

a. Their masterful adaptation of arena-rock pyrotechnics to the club environment
b. Their spectacular array of physical deformities
c. Their skillful musicianship, rich sound and live impact
d. Their bold use of canned yams when rounding out a set with an affectionate tribute to performace artist Karen Finley

absolutely boxspring is responsible for:

a. Crop circles
b. Conversion van art
c. Two cassettes, a 45 and an upcoming CD
d. absolutely boxspring brand imitation gruel

absolutely boxspring can be contacted at:

a. 555-555-4407
b. 555-555-4733
c. 900-976-LUST
d. c/o the Lizetti Institute for Tourette's Syndrome
e. q6tfh69qwg@liamekaens.com

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